Is It Time to Change Therapist? How to Know and What to Do Next
Dr Patapia Tzotzoli
Unsure whether your therapy is still helping? How to recognise when it may be time for a change, how to raise it, and how to find a therapist who is right for you.
Not knowing whether therapy is still helping can be an uncomfortable place to be. You may feel unsure, or even guilty, for wondering. You don’t want to hurt your therapist’s feelings, so you keep going, session after session, quietly unsure whether anything is changing.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling this way. This article looks at the signs it may be time for a change, why it can feel so hard to act on, and how to make the move in a way that feels right for you.
Signs it may be time for a change
Therapy isn’t always comfortable, and a difficult session doesn’t mean something is wrong. But some signs are worth paying attention to:
After months of sessions, you don’t feel you’re moving forward, or you feel less understood than before.
Your needs have changed, and you may need a different approach or specialism.
Something difficult happened between you and your therapist, and sessions carried on without it being talked through.
You find yourself holding back in sessions.
A few questions can help you take stock:
Have I felt stuck for a while, rather than just having a hard week?
Is it what we’re working on that feels hard, or the relationship itself?
Have I noticed any change at all, even a small one?
Have I tried raising my concerns with my therapist?
What would I want from a different therapist, and how would I know I’d found it?
Why it can feel so hard
Guilt. Many people assume a lack of progress is their own fault, or worry about seeming ungrateful to someone who has been trying to help. In fact, saying “this doesn’t feel like the right fit” is useful and important. It often opens the door to better help.
Not knowing what’s normal. Most people have no way of knowing how quickly therapy should help, so it’s hard to tell whether a slow patch is expected or a sign that something needs to change.
The relationship matters. Your therapist may have become an important person in your life. Even when the work isn’t helping, moving on can feel like losing someone who matters to you.
Not wanting to be a “difficult client”. Many people keep their doubts to themselves because they want to be seen as engaged and easy to work with.
How to make the change
Start with a conversation. You don’t need to have it all worked out. Saying something as simple as “I feel stuck” is enough to begin. Ideally, raise it in a session. Not every difficulty means leaving: talking openly can clarify what needs to change, and sometimes it repairs the relationship and gets the work moving again.
Think about what you need next. Do you need a different approach, a particular specialism, or someone whose background, culture or personality feels a better fit? Knowing this makes the next search much easier.
End well. If you decide to move on, ask for a closing session and a summary of your work so far. A clear ending makes it easier to start again with someone new, instead of letting the work fade away.
Give the new start time. A new therapist won’t feel like your old one, and early sessions may feel unfamiliar. That’s normal and doesn’t mean you’ve chosen wrongly. Give it a few sessions, and keep checking in with yourself about how it feels.
Finding the right fit, with support
Starting again is much easier when you’re not searching alone, especially if a previous experience has left you hesitant to try again.
That’s why I created My Triage Network. Drawing on 20 years as a clinical psychologist, I personally assess what you need and connect you with a practitioner from a network I’ve already vetted and whose work I know: more than 100 psychologists, psychotherapists and counsellors, plus 20 allied health professionals, including psychiatrists.
Research supports how much this matters. In a randomised clinical trial published in JAMA Psychiatry, people who were matched with therapists based on those therapists’ proven strengths in their particular areas of difficulty improved significantly more than people who were assigned a therapist in the usual way.¹
My approach goes a step beyond expertise alone. I match on clinical need and therapeutic fit, and I also take into account practical needs such as location and budget and, where relevant, preferences around gender, age, cultural background and personality. This is careful, hands-on work: weighing these factors, and the nuances behind them, takes clinical judgement that neither an algorithm nor someone without clinical expertise can replicate.
There are two ways to get triaged:
Free Triage Request. This suits straightforward requests when you know what kind of support you’re looking for and aren’t in a rush. If I can readily identify a suitable professional in the network, I’ll recommend them and introduce you. Otherwise, I’ll let you know.
Priority Triage Consultation (paid). This suits more complex or time-sensitive situations. You get a priority review, closer guidance from me, an extended search within and, where needed, beyond the network, and support throughout the matching process. If no suitable professional can be found, you’ll be fully refunded.
That closer support can make all the difference. For example, someone reached out to me after a difficult experience with a previous therapist she had found through a directory. She was understandably hesitant about trying again. What she needed wasn’t another list of names, but a carefully considered recommendation that took into account what she was looking for and what hadn’t worked before. When I introduced her to a new therapist, I made sure the context of her previous experience wasn’t lost. The therapist took time to address it with her first, before gently beginning their work together. No introduction can promise that every therapeutic relationship will work, but understanding what you need first takes much of the guesswork out of finding the right person.
You choose your route at the end of the Get Triaged form, which takes 1–2 minutes. All requests are handled personally and confidentially by me, in line with UK GDPR.
You deserve a good fit
Wanting a different therapist isn’t disloyal, and it isn’t something to feel guilty about. A mismatch is not a verdict on you or on therapy itself. It’s information, and a reason to take stock and decide what you need next. Don’t let one mismatch become the reason you stop looking for the support that fits you better.
Complete the Get Triaged form to get started. I personally review every request.